Tuesday, March 10, 2009

At Home

I am a stay at home Mom. What more do I need to say? It wasn't always this way, I used to teach a lot of kids, have a paycheck and put my first born in daycare like so many other mothers in this world. I thought I was living very well and should be thrilled with the way my life was going. Then my husband decided to go back to school for a third time, and we depended on what now seemed to be such a small paycheck. I was a single mom four days of the week while he was in South Dakota and I was in Nebraska. We wanted a better life and this was the plan to get it. When he finished school, and started to interview for jobs, I updated my resume. It only seemed natural to continue working, after all wasn't that what I went to school for? Isn't that what everyone does?
We got closer to moving, and we found out we were blessed to be having another baby after two miscarriages. That was when Steve first said those magical words, "Why don't you just stay home?" Could we do that? What would life be like? We weren't worried about the financial aspect of it, thanks to the extra college time, but what would it be like to have me home all the time? Somehow, this seemed so odd, not to mention what a waste of five years of education!
Here we are, five years and a total of four beautiful children later (another Gratituesday post to come) and the question has come up again.... Are you going to stay home? Three of our four will be in school in the fall, and the fourth will be able to attend preschool in October. My mom said to me the other day, "Well, think of how nice it will be when they are all in school and you can go back to work." For some reason, that struck something in me that hadn't before. I was so far away from that decision that it never occurred to me that I may not want to go back. I said this to her and she was clearly amazed, "Well, what will you do?" Do? I wondered what she thought I did now...
In the peace and quiet that followed our usual evening routine (which is anything but peaceful or quiet), the question returned. What will I do? I replayed conversations I have had with friends about how fortunate I am to stay home, or how happy they were to go back to work and have a job again. I remembered all the times I had wished I could go back to teaching because I missed it, or I felt guilty about the school loans, or I felt like I was spending Steve's money... Then it hit me. The Peace that passes understanding. That quiet voice that talks to you in your heart. God was telling me something, and I needed to listen carefully. I was doing something, I did work, I am blessed to have the hardest job, worst paycheck, and bosses with expectations nothing short of impossible, and I have never been more grateful to be working. What will I do? I will continue doing what God has charged me with. I will be a rock, a nurse, a cook, a maid, a repairman, a personal shopper, seamstress, chronicler, cheerleader and teacher. I will be my husband's helpmate, and a friend to others. I will do this all because that is was I was charged to do. I have never been more thankful in my life.
Stop by the Heavenly Homemaker for more Gratituesday!

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